Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Life in Books #2

I wish to see home friends, and I tell myself I will, but it seems distant and unreal. Hmm. It's almost as if I've left the former life behind and traded it for a new one. Somehow, I think I have. That makes me scared. I'll never return to "normal" again.

Is this real life? Will it all be a dream in 6 months? If I pinch myself hard enough, will I wake up in Wisconsin? When I arrive in the U.S., will it seem as though I've Rip van Winkle-d my way through 2010-2011? No one at home will have had the same experience I've had. They won't be able to laugh at the inside jokes or reminisce about the students or the culture. They've lived their life through the past year; I've lived mine.

I keep adding circles to my friendship Venn diagram, and there are fewer and fewer intersections.

I feel as though the author of my story got bored and abruptly changed plot and characters, keeping only JMS. Former characters flitted in and out transparently, the new story holding very little resemblance to the title page.  Now, suddenly, the narrative will revert to its original storyline, plopping Ms. Jessica into the middle of a story that moved on without her. A story that she must somehow learn to adjust to, catch up to, and become a part of again.
At least the book has pretty pictures.

Once upon a time, I removed myself from everyone I knew and put an ocean between. Now I will do it again. Going home is going to be hard. I hate to admit it.

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