December 15, 2010

I've been waiting for this day for a while. It's the first day of Christmas break...kids are bidding farewell left and right.

At camp, kids go home after just a week. A week is long enough to get to know the excited side of a person...4 months is long enough to get to know the ups and downs, ins and outs of someone.



On September 21, I noted that I was afraid to grow to love work here. I knew it'd hurt to leave it. On October 8, I wondered why we make new friends when we know it leads to more farewells.

As excited as I thought I'd be to see the students off, I'm getting a little lonesome. It will be nice to have a break, but I don't want to have the break without the students. The campus is going to be reallllly empty.

I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens. -Charlie Brown (Charles Schulz)


I've been avoiding liking life here. I like life at home so much, I don't want to be missing a life away from home when I get back. I've been guarding my heart, unwilling to be happy, comparing life now to life I know.

I'm going to miss this.
I knew I would.

I don't regret allowing myself to love it.
I thought I would.

I guess it's (kind of) like having kids. You know they're going to ooze from every orifice, but you want to have them anyway. You know they'll cry and whine and moan and keep you home and away from social outings with friends, but you want to have them anyway. You know they're going to grow up to be teenagers and act like they hate your guts, yet you want to have them anyway.
I know these students won't remember dilution equations next year; I'm lucky if they remember it for the period. I know they won't pay as much attention as I like while I'm explaining their homework for the umpteenth time. I know they'll show up late to class, and won't turn in their work, and will glare at me when I shush them in the library. I suspect they won't open up and spill their life stories...
yet I still want to serve them.

How much greater and more vastly unfathomable is the love of a King who would serve a nation that despises Him?