Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A Glass Half-Replete

Debbie Downer.
Gloomy Gus.


And that's how the teams appear; lopsided and unfair. The good, the bad, and the ugly has morphed to The ugly, the uglier, and the downright ghastly. We've developed negative blinders. We're comfortable. We're only doing what's necessary.

We're preserving our sanity, and in the process are losing our humanity.

Cassie and I had a heart to heart tonight. We shared frustrations of a negative change of character, a loss of willingness to go the extra mile. Whatever happened to giving just because we felt like it? Somehow, that above-and-beyond desire has been stolen. I want to keep each free moment to myself. I don't want to go out of my way to help you. You can handle it yourself. I've got my own things to tackle. I'm busy enough. Stress, papers, planning, grading, teaching; you understand, right? Don't interrupt my schedule. I'm comfortable.

Strangely, comfortable and Christian are far from synonyms.

Paul wasn't exactly comfortable in a dank, dark prison. Content, maybe, but not comfortable. Timothy wasn't in his comfort zone when he left home to proclaim the news of the resurrection of a presumed lunatic. I can't imagine John leaned back and asked the guards to turn on the bubbles in his hot oil bath.
If I'm going to affiliate myself with the Man of Sorrows, I'd better get ready to be uncomfortable.

I need a selfectomy.

No anesthetic. It's going to hurt. Cutting pieces out always hurts. Make an incision and remove the doubt, the judgment, the greed. Cut to the heart of the matter; take out self and its ishness and fill the void with Yourself.

I'm happy here. I couldn't ask for anything better. But something - something about me - has to change. Students can't see Jesus if they see me in the way. There are four months left, and I find myself looking forward to home more than focusing on how I can make a difference today. That needs to change.

Will students remember me as an aloof, goofy science teacher, or will they remember a girl crazy about a Guy who lived 2000 years ago?

Today, I resolve to once again strive for excellence - to rid myself of the status quo, the so-so, and the mediocre - and to pursue truly uncomfortable Christianity. I purpose to ditch the curve and to mirror Christ's likeness, rather than the portrait of Him that someone else produced. Today.

Be like Jesus, this my song;
I would be like Jesus.
Be like Jesus, all day long!
I would be like Jesus.
[James Rowe, 1911]


Chloe Lewis said...

Jessica, I hardly know what to say... You put some serious and much-needed truths into words that I hope many people get to read. The Entire Church needs to realize and re-embrace what you just blogged about.

To what you just shared: Amen.

kessia reyne said...

Intentional living,
intentional giving
of self.

Interesting, isn't it, that when we give away our selves to Him we then have Him to give away; and when we give away to others we find it pressed down, shaken together, and overflowing in our lap?