Saturday, March 19, 2011

Journal Entry

If I can't face my giants, identify them, and stop ignoring them, how can I expect to be able to help students face their giants?
If I can't trust myself enough to open up my own place of hurt, of failure, of fear, how will students trust me to help them access their hurt place?
If I can't address or stop ignoring my problems, how can I encourage students to face theirs?

Perhaps this is the root of hypocrisy. I can't offer to serve until I've come to terms with my issues No; I don't have to fix or rectify them, but I do have to admit they're there. I have too many hairy, smelly beats/giants lurking in my closet and under my bed.
Call in the Ghostbuster. As soon as I face my monsters, He'll make 'em run.

I wouldn't blame the students if they didn't open up to me about their struggles; I wouldn't either. I don't. I don't even let myself admit I'm struggling. It's all fine; I've got it under control; no sin's got me. I mean, I know ALL have sinned, and I keep sinning too, but it's nothing compared to the rest of humanity.
You're one big mess, Jessica Mae. You NEED help. Tracy was more right than she knew.

I want to be needed. I want to be important.
I fear failure. I fear disappointing expectations.

They need Him. He's important.
I only fail without Him. All He expects of me is to let Him handle everything while I sit back and watch.

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