Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Journal Entry

Yesterday's town run was epic! Seriously. Amazing.
Odd how I wasn't super excited, though. It's kinda hollow...
I keep finding that I wish I had my friends here to share these experiences with. I'd almost trade a trip to McD's for a shake with Marlyn & Hannah & Kristen & Leah for a drive through Nairobie with baboons on the side of the road. Sad, really. Why can't I just be friends with the SMs here? Is it okay to block them out of the gaps my friends at home fill? Should I make new "holes"? Should I seek more than acquaintances?
I don't feel very generous with the volunteers. I feel judgmental and nitpicky and easily irritable and not quite myself. I'm quieter in most situations...which can be a good thing.

Life's pretty lame without someone to share it with.
I'll bet that's how Jesus feels without all of His friends in heaven.
Let's join Him there, yah?

And I need to be more focused/motivated. I'm easily distracted and I squander my time. Am I the only one? I keep considering SMs "perfect" people. I know they're not, but I need to infuse more mission in this student life.

Let the first, the last, the only song I sing and live today be praise to You;
Let my smile and kind words show my praise! and encourage others to sing along.
Let the melody of Your love linger all day long, stuck in my head.
Let it be so "stuck" that I can't help but hum it unconsciously.
I want You stuck in my head.

I was emotionally exhausted again after lab today. I tire of giving away, being generous, and having the generosity thrown back in my face, or unacknowledged and snatched up greedily. I lose the desire to offer it.
How deep the Father's love for me, that His mercies are new every morning, and He'll never stop wanting to give them to me. God rocks.

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