Porpoise

Really, I don't know what I want. I feel like I'm floundering from day to day, with no purpose.

Purposeless.

I live life according to purpose. Why complete my Physics assignment? In order to graduate in four, five, six years. Why work for the summer? To earn money to support my studies. I suppose this is the first year in the last fifteen that I've done something that isn't focused on my education. Perhaps, for the first time, my purpose is essentially selfless. In the past, service was more or less an aside; I squeezed it in on weekends or during school breaks, counting down the days until I had to return to the scholarly grind. The distant goal of graduation always loomed, years down the purposeful road.

Now, I can't seem to look beyond tomorrow. I live each day for that day. My purpose has shifted from work-toward-a-distant-goal to today-is-the-day. My purpose here is to serve as a lifewitness to the students and faculty of Maxwell Adventist Academy, and this purpose can be achieved daily. I'm not working to get to the end of the schoolyear – in fact, I'm afraid for the schoolyear to end, for what if I haven't achieved my goal? Living day to day makes time slip by so much more slowly. The only countdown I have is the time until I return home, but I don't want that countdown to reach zero and pull me out of my SM life.