|Be sure to eat balanced meals from the |
four food groups shown above.
- Learn how to find free food.
- Learn how to stay up 'til all hours of the night.
- Learn how to get your Jesus on every day.
- Learn how to do things at the last minute.
- Learn how to appear as though you know exactly what you're doing at all times.
- Learn how to subsist on a diet of only bread, water, noodle packets, and old tortillas.
- Learn how to fall asleep in 2.6 min.
- Learn how to fall asleep ANYWHERE.
- Learn how to pack 18hrs of sleep, 10hrs of picnicking/outreach/games/potlucking, and 4 hours of churching into one 24hr Sabbath.
- Learn how to recycle money: return bottles/cans, dumpster dive for bottle caps, clip coupons, bake your own food, go to restaurants at closing time to get free food, make friends with cooking people (free food), food that is free, free food, etc.
- Learn how to search each piece of a loaf of bread carefully for mold before eating it, removing just those parts that are moldy. Why waste a good piece of bread?
- Learn how to navigate confusing maps and schedules.
- Learn how to explain complicated equations that you yourself scarcely understand, using strange analogies including merry-go-rounds, superheroes jumping off buildings, and turduckens.
- Learn how to clean your living space with less-than-perfect cleaning items, e.g. a half-eaten mop; aged, viscous Lysol; knock-off window cleaner; and newspaper.
- Find your creative Jesus outlet. (Improvise!)
- Learn how to call people late at night and early in the morning (U.S.: free minutes. Abroad: avoid waking the sleeping beast...er, beauty)
- Learn how to see the Jesus in others. Even when they try to hide Him.
- Learn how to fell a tree using only duct tape and a pen light (ok, not absolutely necessary, but helpful)
The strange "food" helpful in
explaining composition functions.
Become a college student.
It's true! College prepares you for life.
...more or less.