Wednesday, November 03, 2010


I'm not doing well.
I'm struggling.
And it's hard to admit it.

I come from a family in which the women are strong and independent. We'll chop the wood that needs chopping and move the fridge when we mop. We're willing to pitch in and work hard until the job is done. We don't need coddling. We don't like to burden others with things that concern us.

Perhaps it's a pride thing. Asking for (and even accepting) help is the last resort.

Failure isn't an option. If I can't do something well, I simply don't do it at all. I only commit to that which I can complete with success.

Now I'm trying to stand tall and shoulder burdens myself, and I'm crumbling. All I need to do is lean. The Everlasting Arms are waiting.

1 comment:

Chloe Lewis said...

For you, you say it's pride. For me, it's perfectionism out of fear. I loved how you showed the solution so clearly. How simple it is. If it were easy, lots more of us would nevermind our baggage and lean more often into Jesus. But it is simple.

When we went to Thorpe Park, I was perfectly terrified of the roller coasters (I've only been on one in my life - I didn't even want to go with them that day because I thought I'd have nothing to do because I NEVER go on roller coasters, especially after having tried the first one), and it felt SO hard to not scream for them to let me out of my harness and run away from the ride's proximity as fast as I could, but it was simple. I did scream my head off and it was so uncomfortable for my nerves, but it was simple.

Leaning can be so hard sometimes because Satan loves to come up behind us and make us feel like losers for leaning with all of his lies, as if needing God's love makes us weak, but it's simple and God turns it into something so good in the end... Because God's love isn't the love of man. So leaning into God's love doesn't make us weak, it makes us strong and that's what Satan is afraid of.