Saturday, April 23, 2011

Journal Entry

We often struggle to know who we are. I once knew who I was... an academic at the top of her class, a music-lover and performaer, a hard worker, an Adventist, a basketballer...
then I graduated highschool.

My self-image was totally debunked. I did not know who Jessica Stotz was. When I lost "what" I was, I didn't know how to find "who".

The same thing happens in SMing. You leave behind your friends, classes, home, work, family, become the new SM. NO one knows anything about you. You've left your nich, and - most likely - much of it will be filled by the time you return home.

People here don't know your weaknesses. But they also don't know your strengths. For someone who craves recognition, this was something very difficult to deal with.

I think I've come closer to knowing who I am in the last few years. However, that means I know swhich types of people are my friends. Now, you cannot be my close friend if you don't fit the criteria. No matter how super people here are, I can't help but think how super duper my hoome friends are. I worry, though, that  my fantasizing about home puts them in an even grander light. Am I robbing myself of close friends here, or are we just not compatible? Am I wrong?
Who am I?

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